Le Pie Macaroni

On the curious and tragic case of the removal of the Macaroni Pie from the Greggs’ menu and the consequent media storm.

At the bakery chain where they sell all the pies
We found ourselves in for a nasty surprise
‘Cause we didn’t want steak nor your scotch-pie baloney
We wanted our favourite: le pie Macaroni

But the powers that be, in their hair-nets and hats
Said ‘sorry stodge-lovers, you cannae have that’
We said ‘whit, are ye mad? It’s a Scottish tradition!’
They said ‘that’s economics’, we said ‘right, a petition!’

So we logged onto Facebook and messaged our friends
‘The pasta-pie age has come to its end!
Please lend a hand to prevent this great travesty!’
They messaged back saying ‘we never liked them much anyway.’

Then in swooped the media, moved by our plight
With headlines exclaiming ‘is this the final bite?’
We hungered with hope for the dish that we craved
When Sturgeon herself said ‘the pie must be saved!’

But this modern world is a curious one
As soon as we thought that our dream had been won
The pasta-pie lover whose petition we’d signed
Said ‘in truth, these pies are disgusting, I find’

‘But I made this petition because I have a wish –
To expose as a folly our love for a dish
When all around Scotland are signs of great poverty
To muse macaroni is at best a frivolity!’

He called it a ‘social media experiment’…
But ‘hook, line and sinker’ is what I think he meant
For although I admire the reasons he bore
Our conscience and follies are no either/or

There’s no contradiction in any sane person’s eyes
We can stand up to poverty and obsess over pies!
Hell it’s these ‘contradictions’ that I like the most:
We live in a place where we like to do both

So yes, I’ll confess to a shade of embarrassment
For playing the subject in his little experiment
But the egg on my face is the cheese on his chin
And guess what – macaroni’s on the menu again!

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